


Tumblr collections

by charliethesnail



Category: Captain America (Movies), Mass Effect Trilogy, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Ex-boyfriend meets current boyfriend, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-11-07 04:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17953208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliethesnail/pseuds/charliethesnail
Summary: Just a collection of my Mass Effect Tumblr one-shots, just because I like the idea of them being collected in one place.





	1. What if Kaidan and Thane met though?

There is a man that Shepard doesn’t talk about, a man that I know matters to her because of this.  His name is Kaidan Alenko.  The day before Shepard leaves the Citadel, I ask her about him.

“He served in my crew on the original Normandy,” she answers absently.  She is washing the dishes.  “Before that we trained together.  What about him?”

“I saw on the news that he is at Huerta Memorial,” I reply.  “It said that the two of you had been quite close a few years ago.”

She mutters something under her breath.  “And?” she replies louder.

“And, I was curious why you didn’t say anything about a friend of yours being injured,” I say.

“The topic never came up,” she says lightly.

“Shepard,” I say.

“He was injured on Mars,” Shepard says annoyingly.  “That’s all.”

“Why haven’t you spoken about him before?” I ask patiently.

“Thane, I barely speak about anything that happened to me before I came back,” Shepard sighs.

“You’ve spoken about all your time with Garrus and Tali,” I point out. 

Shepard sets down the plate she is washing, and impatiently runs her hands through her short hair.  I don’t like her new hairdo, having always been fascinated by her long tresses, but don’t tell her this as she seems far more confident with the short hair.  “He was my best friend on the Normandy,” she explains, her tone annoyed.  “Him and Ash.”

“The girl who died?” I ask.

“Yes,” she replies.  “The girl who died.  In the end, it came down to between the two of them, who would stay behind on Virmire.  Alliance protocol decreed that it would be Ash, but that decision still cuts me.  We met up again on Horizon, after I came back, but things were…tense.  Now he was on the Normandy when I escaped Earth, and he got injured on Mars.  That’s all.”

“Alright then,” I say, shrugging. 

“And we also dated for a while,” Shepard continues.

I bite down a flash of jealousy.  “Excuse me?” I ask quietly.

“It was years ago, Thane,” Shepard says.  “We broke it off, then got back together again.  Then I died, which, you know, soured the relationship somewhat.  Then I met you.”  she sees my face and laughs slightly.  “You’re not jealous, are you?”

“No,” I say stubbornly.

She laughs again.  “Yes you are, I can tell,” she says.  She puts her arms around me.  “You’re the one I love, Thane,” she says.  “As you’ve pointed out, I could choose any man.  I choose you.”

..... 

The next morning, I go and visit Major Alenko at Huerta Memorial Hospital.  Despite his bruised and burnt face, I can see why Shepard would fall for someone like him.  He has a kind face and gentle eyes.  He looks confused when he sees me.

“I think you have the wrong room,” he says.

“I do not believe so,” I answer.  “My name is Thane Krios.”

Comprehension dawns on his face.  “I know who you are,” he says.

“I believe we share a mutual friend in Commander Shepard,” I say.

“You’re her…,” his voice trails off and he pulls a face.  “I mean, she’s told me about you.”

“She’s told me almost nothing about you,” I say.

He covers his hurt with a laugh.  “Well, gee,” he says.  “Not sure what to say to that.”

“I would not be injured by that, if I were you,” I say.  “She barely talks about anything from before…before her time with Cerberus.  It hurts her too much, and you are clearly important, for her to not say anything.”

“Well, then I wonder why she never talks about you either,” Major Alenko snaps.

“Because I am about to leave her,” I say.

His eyes widen.  I am forever fascinated by the expressive nature of human faces.  “Then you are clearly stupider than you look,” he says in wonder.  “Why would you leave her?”

“You did,” I point out.  “On Horizon.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of,” he says.  “I thought I was being set up.  I didn’t know it was the real Shepard.”

“You do now?” I ask, sitting next to the bed.  He nods.  “What changed your mind?”

“Seeing her court case last year,” he says.  “That mulish expression, it was so…so Shepard.”

“Once she decides to do something, there is no stopping her,” I agree.  We are both silent for a while, thinking about the woman we both love.  “I’m not leaving her by choice,” I say at last.

“No?” Major Alenko asks.

“I’m dying,” I say.  “This time next month, I’ll be gone.”

“Oh,” Major Alenko says.  “Does…does Shepard know?”

“Yes,” I say.  “She’s staying with me regardless.”  Privately, I thought she was stupid. 

Major Alenko groaned.  “Typical,” he says.

“Typical?” I echo questioningly.

“Yeah,” he says.  “You know she’s a martyr right?  She’ll do anything if the end goal is suffering for someone else.  I finally thought that I had it in the bag with this whole nobally getting injured for her thing, but it looks like you’ve got me beat.”

“You still have feelings for her,” I realise.

“I wouldn’t feel threatened if I were you,” he says sulkily.  “She loves you.  She told me so.  She never said that to me, not once.  And I’ve known her for a very long time.”

We are both quiet.  “You know Shepard better than me,” I say at last.

“Yes,” he says.  “Or at least I used to.”

“She went through a lot with Cerberus,” I say.  “All of us did.”  He rolls his eyes again, but doesn’t say anything this time.  “The time is going to come where she is going to need someone,” I say.  “I’m not going to be able to be there.  I need to know that someone will be.”

“This must be quite uncomfortable for you,” Major Alenko says.

“Not really,” I reply.  “She chose to be with me.  I never forced her to do anything.”

There’s a pause.  “I’d look out for her whether you asked me to or not,” he says at last.  “She’s my best friend, regardless of what happened between us in the past.”

I smile slightly.  “I know you will,” I say.  I get up and hold my hand out for him to shake.  “There will come a time where she will take you back, I think.”

Major Alenko gives a small chuckle.  “I think you’ll probably be a tough act to follow,” he says, taking my hand.  “Until the next time.”

“Oh no, I don’t think I’ll be seeing you again,” I say.  “All the best, Major Alenko.”

He nods once.  “It’s Kaidan,” he says.

“Alright then,” I say.  “Kaidan.”


	2. I don't want to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty angsty and I didn't intend for this to turn into a Shakarian post

Do you ever think that Shepard whispered that? Maybe the first time was when she was on Akuze, when it was cold and dark and she was trying to rescue her squad but they kept dying around her. Just a quick, whispered request into the darkness, heard by no one and nothing.

The second time was when she was on the Citadel and she looked up and saw Sovereign. The words slipped from her mouth before she could stop them, but quietly enough that no one heard (Garrus heard but he said nothing. He understood that sometimes, in order to become strong, you need to be vulnerable first).

The third time, she managed to stop the words from leaving her mouth. She looked around at her squad, before journeying towards the human proto-Reaper, and wondered whether she would see them again. And there it was. That thought. I don’t want to die. Selfish really. She had recruited all these people on the very distinct chance that they would die, and here she was, begging for her life.

The last time was just before they landed on Earth. This time Garrus didn’t pretend not to hear her. He looked her directly in the eye. “You won’t”. (Because I won’t let you. Because there is no Vakarian without Shepard. Because you have been fighting all your life. Because you’ve already died once. Because you deserve better). He repeated it, louder as though to ward off whatever was facing them on Earth.

"You won't."


	3. Cerberus training session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I kind of have this headcannon that the Cerberus squad required a lot of additional training, given that they are not all military trained. I like to imagine what shenanigans each person gets up to during their physical training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whilst I was very tired, so apologies if it's not up to standard.

  * Jacob completes all the exercises perfectly (he is an Alliance boy too, so this is all old hat for him). The others tease him for being a teachers’ pet, but he ignores them.  (Shepard is obviously thrilled to have one attentive student, although (s)he doesn’t show this).
  * Miranda makes as many excuses as possible. “The requisitions aren’t going to write themselves, Shepard.”  “You spent all of yesterday writing requisitions, Miranda.  Are you trying to tell me that we go through food that quickly?”  “The rate you eat?  Of course.  It’s lucky you aren’t rolling away.”  (“I’m a biotic, Miranda, what do you want from me?”).  Of course, Jack has to get involved.  “The cheerleader can’t possibly sweat her face off, Shepard.  It took her TWO HOURS to apply it this morning.”  “At least my face is pleasing to look at.  People will get nightmares about vengeful colouring-in books when they look at yours.”
  * Grunt spends most of his time trying to get into wrestling matches with other squad members. Garrus is the only one vaguely willing to take part.  “You are a worthy opponent, Vakarian, he he.”  “Thanks, Grunt.  Wish I could say the same about you.”
  * Thane pulls the chronically sick card. “Did I tell you that my vascular system is compromised, Shepard?”  “I thought you were the type who didn’t let that sort of thing get in their way.”  “Ordinarily, yes, but you do not wish to see me expire from doing push-ups, do you?”  “Thane…”  “I thought you needed every man for the suicide mission.”  “Alright, but I swear if you can’t keep up, I’m leaving you behind.”
  * Garrus of course turns it all into a competition. “Is that all you got, Shepard?  Only twenty lousy push-ups?  I can do double that and not even break a sweat.”  “Do turians sweat, Garrus?”  “Don’t get excited, it’s a figure of speech.”  “I’m just letting you win so that the others will be more willing to follow you if I die.”  “Excuses excuses.”
  * Jack astounds them all be doing dozens of reps after the other, until Samara pointed out that she was coasting on her biotics. “Oh, like I’m ever going to find myself in a situation where my biotics won’t be able to help me.”  “Jack, so help me...” “Jeez, chill old-timer.  I swear, you’re the most boring person alive.”
  * Kasumi is cloaked throughout the sessions, but assures everyone that she is doing the exercises whilst checking the cloak’s reactions to extreme physical exertion. That is, until Grunt trips over her one day and they see that she is lying on her stomach, watching something on a datapad.
  * Samara flat out refuses to take part in the sessions, opting instead to meditate in the hold whilst the others are working out. No one pushes her to join them.
  * When Tali is called out for doing less reps than anyone else, she points out that she is carrying extra weight because of her suit. “Trust me, under all this, I am as muscular as you are, Shepard.”  “I don’t doubt it, but you can’t get away with only doing one of each exercise.”  “I have so far, haven’t I?  Besides, I helped with the Saren investigation, and I couldn’t even do one burpee then.”  “Tali-“ “Fine, I’ll do two.”
  * Mordin using the opportunity to give an impromptu physics lesson.  "Push-ups are difficult because you are carrying your entire weight on arms."  "That's not really how push-ups work, Mordin."  "Quiet, Shepard.  Am teaching the next generation."
  * Zaeed distracts everyone by telling long, rambling stories of all the horrible deaths he has witnessed (and has a hand in). “Zaeed, seriously, no one cares.  Get to work.”  “Wait, before we get started, have I told you about the first time I used Jesse?”  “Several times actually.  Shut up and get on the ground.  We’ve wasted enough time.”
  * Legion (obviously) doesn’t take part, but watches all the same. “We wish to understand organics’ motivations,” it says whenever asked why he is in the hold.




	4. I won't let you die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heading out of Mass Effect and into another fandom I love, as well as my favourite ship of all time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this for a competition on Instagram, but I figured that, since it’s the dude’s birthday, I’ll post the super depressing oneshot here to commemorate the day (I was really really sad when I wrote it.  Clearly).  Enjoy...

I won’t let you die.  

It had seemed so simple.  A promise almost.  Certainly a choice.  But if it was so simple, how had it gone to hell so fast?

A few years ago, back before Bucky remembered who Steve was, who  _he_  was, he had been told: “I’m not going to fight you.”  And now Steve was-

No.

He couldn’t think it.  Because a universe where Steve didn’t exist was a universe Bucky wanted no part of.

I won’t let you die.

Five words hurriedly spoken before the fight of their lives.  

Five words already regretted.  There were many things in Bucky’s life that he regretted, more than most men in fact, but Steve had saved his life more times than he could count.  If Bucky could take all that back, he would.  Because now Steve was-

Would it ever be easy? Bucky wondered.  Would the pain in his heart ever truly leave?  Or would he be forced to live with regret for the rest of his life.  An old, Steve-sized friend, slung across his shoulders or around his chest.

Bucky picked up the shield and strapped it to his arm.

I won’t let you die.

It felt like a promise.


	5. New fic excerpt-When Chaos Raises You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short extract from the new fic that I’m working on, which will hopefully lead to somewhere good. It is a crossover AU of my four favourite game (franchises): Mass Effect, Dragon Age, the Wolf Among Us and Saints Row. I’ve written about twenty two pages, but we all know how much I love writing super long fics, so hopefully I manage to keep up the momentum. Maybe I'll post more extracts if I feel like their worth sharing.

When chaos raises you, you can’t expect the rest of your life to be any different.  

Someone told me that once.  Mind you, he was drunk at the time, and he died soon afterwards, so he probably can’t be taken for his word, but I find myself thinking about this a lot.  Especially recently.  Can a person change his destiny, change his upbringing?  Or are our paths preordained, and it’s our job just to live out the pattern.

Someone else told me that you can’t choose your family.

Well, that I know is false.


	6. Thane's death in Mass Effect 3 (and why I'm mad at BioWare)

So, this post requires a bit of backstory...

I got into gaming when I was nineteen, which I believe is pretty late, especially for the more hardcore gamers.  The first game I played was Dragon Age Origins (still a top five favourite, I love that game), and I was immediately hooked...on Dragon Age Origins that is.  My younger brother said to me something along the lines of: “Ok, well, you’ve conquered Dragon Age Origins, it’s time for you to try Mass Effect 2.”  (Because we didn’t own Mass Effect the first one at the time and we couldn’t really find it in any of the gaming stores in South Africa, nor do we have a WiFi connection).  So I tried out the first hour of Mass Effect 2 and went, “Nah, the gameplay is too difficult, and besides the story isn’t really grabbing me, let me return to replaying Dragon Age Origins a million times.”  (I am still ashamed of this harsh criticism).

Time went on, we purchased Dragon Age 2, and whilst disappointing (a story for another blog), I loved the rich world and lore enough to replay that a million times as well.  Lil Bro the Snail eventually lost his temper with me and said, “Listen Charlie, I will disown you if you don’t give Mass Effect 2 another try.”  By this stage, Mass Effect 3 had come out and he was desperate for me to play that and give him my opinion.

So I gave Mass Effect 2 another whirl and boy did I take back every criticism I had for it the first time around.  It became an all time favourite, and is still the best game I have ever played.  But anyway, my love for Mass Effect 2 could fill several blog posts, and that’s not why I’m here.

Having fallen deeply in love with Alistair in Dragon Age Origins, I asked my brother if there were any romance options in Mass Effect.  He responded that there were, pushing me towards the Shakarian option.  I was like, well, he seems like a cool character.  I like his voice a lot.  Why not?

Romances are only queued to start after loyalty missions, and I decided to leave those for last, after I had recruited everyone, so obviously my wooing of Garrus had to wait for quite a while.  I was excited though.  Romancing was my favourite part of the games after all.  

And then I met Thane, and all thoughts of Garrus’ voice left my head.  See, my favourite trope in books, movies, games, TV shows, music, anything really, is the “persevering despite the obvious chances of failure” one.  I love a dark storyline, the darker the better in fact, because it’s in time of crisis when you can see someone’s true character.  That’s when you realise why you hate the character or why you love him/her/them.  Anyone who has read JSWM, my other tumblr posts and will hopefully read the Winners knows that I put my characters through hell, because I want to see how they will grow and develop.  Basically, I like torturing myself emotionally.  And the Shrios romance hit that dark trope perfectly.

Shepard knew that Thane was going to die, from the very moment that they met, and she chose to love him anyway.  She knew that, if they were to survive the suicide mission, the chances were strong that he would die before her, and she knew it would hurt.  And yet she chose to love him anyway, in spite of this.  Persevering despite the obvious chance of failure.  When this shit goes south, I thought to myself, as it inevitably will, if BioWare continues their stellar storytelling, it is going to impact my Shepard in a very strong way.  This is going to lead to character growth.  At the very least, it’s going to lead to some interesting interactions with the other second and third-tier characters.

Only it didn’t.

Oh, the death scene was super emotional (full disclosure, I wept like a little girl).  The email Thane sent was super emotional (no tears this time, although I silently applauded the person who had penned it).  Alright, I thought to myself.  Time to see what the others have to say about this tragedy.  

No one said anything.  People were bemoaning Cerberus, people either bemoaned or welcomed Kaidan back, people bemoaned Udina.  No one said anything about Thane.  “He sacrificed himself to save the salarian Councilor,” I wanted to scream at the computer screen.  “Mordin faked his death, and you were all like, what a hero, good old insane Mordin, but Thane, my Shepard’s lover, gets his death glossed over?” (Remember, I hadn’t played Mass Effect the first, Wrex was a dead krogan in my world).

Now, people might say that Thane was reclusive, didn’t really make friends with the other crew, and his death didn’t really affect them that much.  Only I don’t really buy that at all.  Judging from the Citadel DLC (another tearjerker if ever there was one), people did have a relationship with Thane.  He was clearly important to a number of crew, maybe not as a confidant, but as a source of inspiration.  And even if that was not enough, the entire franchise centres around Shepard’s relationship with her crew, and her hurt would matter to them.

Throughout the game, this bothered my, the fact that no one seemed to care that Shepard must be hurting from the loss of the man she loved, even if she wasn’t showing it (you know, if she were an actual person, and not made up of a bunch of ones and zeros and a pretty texture).  I imagined how alone she must have felt, how much pain she must be in (ironically, this too hits my sweet spot of an emotionally dark storyline).

I don’t know, it’s a game, maybe I’m expecting too much of it.  Except both Mass Effect and Dragon Age put a lot of value on relationships.  I felt like my friends had let me down.  It still rankles me sometimes to be honest.  At least we got one badass line out of it though.

“That was for Thane, you son of a bitch.”


	7. Happy birthday Shepard

“Happy birthday, Shepard,” Kaidan says, sitting down. He places the carefully-wrapped parcel next to her. “Another year older, eh? Don’t think either of us thought we’d reach this age.”

The machines beep gently, but other than that, there is a momentary silence in the room.

“Garrus sends his love,” Kaidan continues. “Yeah, he’ll probably be along later. Best be ready, he’ll have more Council war stories to tell you. We had a whole birthday dinner planned for tonight. Guess we have to cancel the catering order.” 

He lapses into silence again.

When he speaks, his voice is tight. “I miss you,” he says. “So much. We all do. Out there, the galaxy is celebrating your birthday, the fact that we’ve found you, but no one realises that I’ve lost you.” Again.

He grips her hand in his. It is deceptively warm, like those nights where he would wake up and reach for her.

“Please Shepard,” he whispers. “Please come back. I...I can’t do this without you. I need you. We need you. So please. Just wake up.”

She doesn’t wake up. He kisses her forehead. “I love you,” he says. “Happy birthday.”


End file.
